- Walter Bargen
Four poems by Walter Bargen
Roadhouse
Out the car window
trees move quickly past.
Clouds stand still.
Parking lot empty to the fence,
to the road, to the horizon.
Wind-whipped grass blades,
naked dandelion stalks
compete for the cracks in concrete.
Windows stretch from corner
to corner and you see through
the nailed up boards
where the dust line-dances.
Sun spins across the concrete
shredding hems of heat
before do-si-doing to no good end.
Past the farm implement company
surrounded by beetle-shaped chaises,
their metallic bodies never able
to crawl beyond these plains.
In front of the Killpack Trucking Company,
turn left, turn right, turn around,
turn in any direction necessary for away.
At Sixty-Six
It’s a typical Seattle day: overcast, cold, raining,
the streets reflecting a hard shimmer,
laced with the red and green of changing streetlights.
But it’s not the Northwest,
it’s the Midwest and most everyone is indoors.
I spend longer than usual talking with the owner
of the garage as he stands behind the counter
near the antique brass-trimmed cash register.
The mechanic’s complaints have little to do
with his employees, one of whom walks
into the office and asks him to listen to an engine
that’s running on the lift, or the confusion of metric
with inches, as he sets down a greasy wrench
and says he’ll be right back. I struggle with the phrase
left back, and know there’s little chance of turning back,
and resign myself to turning around. Taped to the door
that opens to the car bays, is his daughter’s graduation
announcement, May 13, when she will receive a PhD in
aerospace engineering. He will attend the award ceremony
but not the reception, his ex-wife and her extended
family will be there. She is the one who took the house,
the forty acres, the million and a half dollars
he inherited from his Dutch father.
Dutch what everyone in the shop
and all his customers call him. She even stole
thirty thousand dollars out of the office
and claimed there was only eighteen-hundred,
which is the amount she returned to him,
which wasn’t enough to pay the bills. He threatened
to declare bankruptcy so she gave him another
twenty thousand for payroll and past due notices.
She divorced him and he never wants to see her again.
He rents half of a duplex and has a girlfriend
that he just can’t believe. She goes shopping
and cooks dinner. She crawls up to him in bed
just to be close. She wants to travel to the Netherlands
to visit his family. First time in his life
he has a loving relationship.
I button up my coat, rain is beginning
to crowd out the mist as I tell him I know
what he means: the meaning of meaning
is relationship. I’m going to walk downtown
to a coffee shop, wait for a phone call to tell me
the car is ready. I tell myself that I’m here
for an oil change, that’s it.
Maybe Not
for Hayden Carruth
I had wanted for so long to read his book
that I’d shelved and forgotten, though the dust
didn’t, and then the author died.
Twenty years later, I read the book backwards
starting at page 101, hoping to work
toward some beginning but page 1 was not
far enough back to feel anything more
then a slow grinding down of a life─
these poems written five years before
there was no more.
It’s calming, the claim that Goethe’s
last words were, More light, more light,
that we might exert some control
over the inexplicable, the mist,
the shroud, the WWII blackout with bombs
falling all around, or maybe not.
George Harrison in bed
as the room glowed in his final rising
and falling breath, or maybe not,
or that my father squeezed my hand for yes
when asked whether to remove the tubes
draining his lungs for a third time
that day, and I turned to wave
at the ceiling at what I could not see.
Frank Rich, the film critic, quotes Mel Gibson’s
response to his movie review:
I want his intestines on a stick and kill his dog.
Frank didn’t have a dog. Maybe this was
as close to God as Mel could get in his Passion.
Hayden’s own ambiguity resolved when he wrote:
I’d sooner be
married by an apple tree
than by a priest.
Marriage a crisp bite and then
the accumulated sorrow of falling fruit.
Empire of Indigo
Already mascaraed rivers of grief.
Already a fidgeting silence blackens the hall.
Tongueless howls, savage claims.
I was asked, but why?
It wasn’t like I wildly waved a gun on the street,
or donated money to an organization
on a watch list, or cleaned out the bathroom which I do
occasionally, though not often enough to keep
the shadows out of the tile joints,
or slit the scaled belly and pull out the viscera
from a fish caught by a kid
who doesn’t understand soft viscera,
the relentless falling dominos. It wasn’t like
that at all but I don’t know what to call it.
I started with the word “officiate,”
and that’s not even close.
We know the umpire’s blind when we’re losing
and we always are. It doesn’t matter, strikes, balls,
stealing home, the ball knocked out of the catcher’s
well-worn mitt after the runner’s body-block,
no officiating here as the ball rolls toward the dugout.
Maybe I settled into “officiate”
when there was no turning back for third base,
home ahead, and for this woman who sat up in bed
at 4 a.m., saying she couldn’t sleep, who was so happy,
if not giddy at the previous evening’s dinner party,
this hour before mocking bird and cardinal announce themselves
in the first skeins of light, in the studio holding a gallon of indigo
she dyed her body, pouring the bucket over her head,
her nipples a surging font of darkness,
pubic hair dripping shadows, the hips’
outriggers sailing quickly under a dark sea,
thighs trellised with streaks
feet following the irrevocable flow
in an already smothering summer heat.
With stepladder and rope she evaded the hours,
no longer hiding yet hidden, shielded, protected
in indigo. Someone I didn’t know,
only our common recognizable namelessness,
but not today, not that we know
what we never thought,
yet already after the words, the songs, the poems,
already the fiddle’s case snapped closed, already
the officiating finished, the evening sky tightening into indigo.
Playing for More
─For Robert Earl Keen
He confesses that he’s played his guitar at a garage sale.