another forty years feeling like this. I don’t want
to die, she says, I just want to go to sleep
forever. I tell her about the snail and suggest
she’ll be one in her next life. Her psychiatrist
changes her meds, her therapist suggests
magnet therapy, I pour her another glass,
the bubbles streaking by like shooting stars.
Last year, a friend took a bottle of pills and went
to sleep. At his memorial we watched
the slideshow, his smiling face in every frame,
the galaxy of his friends spilling onto the lawn.
We are a constellation of caring, but we were not
enough to save him. My best friend and I sit
on the couch, two dogs curled between us,
content as snails in their shells. I’ve known
her for over half my life. I want her for double that.
Last Night I Dreamed
I traveled back in time
to 2007, to a time when
we were still together
and I could fix all
that went wrong between
us. In my dream I tried
to decide if I wanted to save us,
if the you of then and the me of then
were what I wanted, if the life we built
was enough to hold me happy.
Before I could decide: fix or let break,
address or let fester, I woke up,
my dog's warm nose pressing
into my hand, my husband's arm heavy
across my waist, the day quietly
breaking against the dark.
Courtney LeBlanc is the author of the full length collections Exquisite Bloody, Beating Heart (Riot in Your Throat) and Beautiful & Full of Monsters (Vegetarian Alcoholic Press). She is also the founder and editor-in-chief of Riot in Your Throat, an independent poetry press. She loves nail polish, tattoos, and a soy latte each morning. Read her publications on her blog: www.wordperv.com. Follow her on twitter: @wordperv, and IG: @wordperv79.