• Eva El Beze

Girl Talk, a one act play


Cast of characters:

Lisa: Early 30's, female, African American, dressed in a pair of jeans, an Indian tunic top, sandals and big Bohemian earrings. Bright colors,artistic, expressive.

Rachel: Early 30's, female, Caucasian, dressed in skinny jeans, a t-shirt and high heeled boots. Small stud earrings. Very minimal in muted colors.

Waiter: Mid 20's, Asian, very handsome, dressed in black slacks, a white dress shirt, a half apron and black work shoes.

Present day, San Francisco, CA. Stage is set as a city street with a cafe, a sushi restaurant, a public trash can and a bus stop. Lisa and Rachel sit at one of the cafe's sidewalk tables, drinking from disposable cups of coffee.

Lisa:

You told him his dick is too small?

Rachel:

No. I said it could be bigger.

Lisa:

Basically the same thing.

Rachel:

Not really. Too small would imply there's very little to enjoy. Could bebigger means it's nice. It's okay, but..... it could be bigger.

Lisa:

Like a portion in a restaurant? The chocolate souffle was fine, even great, but it could have been double the size.

Rachel:

Exactly..... Well, not double the size. Maybe half of an extra serving.

Lisa:

And what did he say?

Rachel:

That if his dick could be bigger then I could try and control the disgusting gas I pass as I'm falling asleep.

Lisa:

Sounds like a reasonable trade off.

Rachel:

Not really. I can't control what happens when I'm sleeping.

Lisa:

Can he control his dick not being big enough?

Rachel:

Whose side are you on?

Lisa:

Yours! It's called devil's advocate.

Rachel:

Since when does the devil form an opinion on the size of an appendage?

Lisa:

How should I know? I'm his advocate. I'm not actually him. Like prayer warriors for Jesus.

Rachel:

Okay, okay. Don't shoot the messenger. Got it.

Lisa:

Hallelujah!

Rachel:

So what do I do? Is a penile pump an adequate peace offering?

(Lisa rolls her eyes.)

Lisa:

Only if you're gonna start popping Beanos like you do Valium on an airplane.

Rachel:

That's a very unfair comparison. Airplanes are death traps.

Lisa:

Apparently your boyfriend thinks your ass is too.

(Rachel's mouth drops open. She is left speechless.)

Lisa:

Do you even like this guy? This week you're telling him his penis is too small-

(Rachel interrupts, exasperated.)

Rachel:

Could be bigger!

Lisa:

Sorry. Right. Could be bigger and a few weeks ago you were debating breaking up with him because he cut his toe nails in front of you and didn't order what you wanted him to at the restaurant.

Rachel:

No, no no! That wasn't it at all. It's like you don't even listen when I talk. What I said is that he cut his toe nails on the couch as I was trying to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I have to pay attention to follow the story line.

Lisa:

(Sarcastically.) Riiight.....

Rachel:

I'll ignore that, and- the nails were going all over the place flying into the cracks of the couch cushions. That has to be unhygenic.

Lisa:

You could pass a law.

Rachel:

Maybe I will..... Anyways, I didn't care what he ordered at the restaurant; it was that he chews too loudly.

Lisa:

This is why you'll be single for the rest of your life, you know?

Rachel:

You're the one who's single. I have someone.