• Joseph Johnston

"It’s Too Nice A Day For All That"


Setting: A horseshoe pit on an otherwise desolate stage

Cast: ROGER, a middle-aged or older man, paunchy, in a flannel shirt. Eyeglasses and papers in his breast pockets.

CHERYL, a middle-aged or older woman in pajamas with slippers and a housecoat that goes nearly to the ground.

At Rise: Roger and Cheryl are pitching horseshoes from stage right to left, then upon completing a turn, from left to right. Cheryl scores periodically, but Roger never connects with the post.

Cheryl

We should go down to the bar, Roger.

Roger

It's too nice a day for the bar, don't you think, Cheryl? Bars are for Saturday nights, aren't they?

Cheryl

I guess. Still, might be nice to drop some quarters into the jukebox. Have a few drinks. Dance. Remember dancing?

Roger

Not really.

Cheryl

There's darts at the bar. We could play darts.

Roger

I'm not really good at darts.

Cheryl

Remember drinks? Out in public, I mean.

Roger

Maybe on a day that's not so nice, Cheryl.

Cheryl

Hey, we could go down to the St. Priscilla's car show today. See the classic cars. Get some hot dogs. That would be fun. Nice change of pace.

Roger

It's too nice a day for car shows and hot dogs, don't you think? That's more of a miserable summer afternoon thing to do. Not something you do on a nice day like today.

Cheryl

What day is it, anyway?

(Roger removes several papers from his breast pockets and fumbles through them, finally unfolding what appears to be a large calendar, with various dates crossed off in no discernible order.)

Roger

It's today.

Cheryl

But what 'day' is it, you know? Like day of the week.

Roger

Why do you have to know? It doesn't matter.

Cheryl

Of course it matters.

Roger

Why? You got some place to be?

Cheryl

I just want to know what day it is. I'm sick of not knowing.

Roger

It's today. That's all that matters. And we're together. And it's too nice a day to worry about being anywhere else, or doing anything else. Don't you think?

(Cheryl pitches a horseshoe)

Cheryl

I'm rather tired of this game, Roger. We really need to end it.

Roger

I suppose we could get out the cornhole boards if you want. But one of the beanbags was chewed up by a mouse a year ago. Or two years ago. Something like that.

Cheryl

I don't think that happened.

Roger

Something chewing. In the garage.

Cheryl

Whatever. We need to end the game.

Roger

But you love horseshoes. Always loved horseshoes on a Sunday.

Cheryl

Is it Sunday?

Roger

Does it matter, Cheryl? You loved them on a Sunday. You can love them today.

Cheryl

I don't love them today, Roger. I want out.

Roger

Shhh! It's my turn.

(He completes his turn with a miss and they walk the length of the stage to retrieve their horseshoes and pitch again)

Cheryl

Aren't you bored, Roger? Aren't you bored of missing all the time?

Roger

I'm not bored. You might think I'd be, but I'm not. Nope. I'm improving my game and I'm quite satisfied. I'll get a ringer one of these days. You'll see.

Cheryl

Roger, we need to talk about the funeral arrangements.

Roger

Funeral? For who?

Cheryl