Agoraphobia
It was when I turned the clocks
back
I remember the freedom
the fear
When my foot first crossed
the threshold
of the large fiberglass front door
downstairs
It must have been months
ago
I remember how bright the sun was
Beyond my four walls
I haven’t cared to bother
With time
Time is for those with time
Mine was up years ago
Now I wait
I’m not happy
certainly
Happy people don’t make
Friends out of
curtains
blankets
pillows
But they are there for me
Warm, reliable, stable
They are there
I don’t want to die
But living’s no good, either
I no longer choose to choose
So I wait
In my dark room
To see which gives first.
Paul Perreault has traveled through most of the United States, driving stakes and eating fire with two of the three last remaining traditional American carnival sideshows. He has been featured in two Ripley’s Believe it or Not’s and festivals across the country. When not performing, he leads therapeutic writing workshops within mental health units. He currently lives in Upstate New York and will soon receive a M.A. in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University.