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Two poems by Kelly Mullins

Executive from Europe’s Most Diverse & Inclusive Company of 2019 Retweets

I’m sitting in an A-frame house // thinking about // stochastic parrots // and a way to rationalize // the present is not a gift // cancel // my subscription to capitalism // as the whisk breaks into bits // and crackles of bacon // wait for the moderator to start // drink CBD // iced coffees // a poem // is not an egg to crack // but I can tell you // how we have the power to // flip the pancakes // we told them // about the tweets // and they hired // a reputable external firm // to perform // a mess of a coverup // finished the months-long review // in February but // everything remains public // ly accounted for // a selfied mirror lamp // and billions of dollars worth // of brains on shrooms // start up like lawnmowers // they’re all racist // transphobic // conspiratorial // & sexist // until proven innocent // if you think this is bad // just wait till I tell you // about the board member // who blamed // the benefit cuts on // “distressed babies” // likely to be overlooked // Armstrong’s logic was // the subject of // lengthy discussions // at Google they got // $105 million // the two executives accused // quietly resigned and retired // to their Connecticut homes // but the walkouts occurred // on November 1 // 2018 // at approximately // 11 am // now they can only tolerate // online research that supports // the bottom line // of it is // they’ll do anything // to protect each other // when Gebru abruptly left Google // they weren’t powerful enough // to withstand // the backlash because // anyone should be able to critique // these companies // without repercussion // and by the way // HR // if you’re reading this // it’s too late // the double-standards here // are so clear // so I dare you // to dehumanize us more // she recounted // the one incident // where she was called // “obtuse” // to the outside world // respects her more // and this is the one thing // we’ve got to use // because these boobs // can’t distinguish // their left from their right // they should have no right // to rewrite // our rights // on this world wide // web.

Team Standup

Morning, everyone!

So things I can no longer talk about

Without barfing


  1. Experimenting on other humans

  2. Tones of emails

  3. Growth plans &

  4. Imposter syndrome


I need

A galactic glass of iced coffee


By “I’ll look into it’s”

Voluntold to take a bite

Into the economics of

Doughnuts, dying, & dancing in the streets

Yesterday I worked on

My List of Genius Ideas


  1. Bop-It inspired sex tattoos

  2. Wine shoes

  3. Single-women dog cams and

  4. Vibrators that can count calories*

*All of these ideas were pattentend prior to the publication of this poem - so don’t steal them!

The canals are broken into mirrors today we’re worth

More addicted, narcissistic, polarized, and misinformed

What if we levitated into love?

Instead of falling for it?


I’ll get into a fight with my trash can

And fix the washing machine

So the water’s moving again


I’d rather do my drudges when it’s dreary

Anyway since none of the Dutch

Wear masks or have spatial awareness

When it’s sunny

Why can’t anyone get a flat white in this city after six?

Maybe I’ll move to New Zealand

Start spreading the news cuz


I’m an anarchist

Say “hi” to the statues and pretend they’re stoned

Tourists breathe

Cuz once they take the trees

And the tacky smell

Of cigarettes, Jaeger, fast food, & family

It’ll be our brains, beebee.

Kelly Mullins is an American writer, workplace organizer, and climate activist living in Amsterdam. Her work has appeared or is forthcoming in Boston Accent Lit, Pine Hills Review, Anti-Heroin Chic, The Allegory Ridge Poetry Anthology, Hash Journal, Maudlin House and In Parentheses. You can find her hanging out on instagram @kellmullins

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